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Diary of my Sissification Wednesday, 8th November 2000 Today I found the new website - The Sissy Station - I like stuff like that, dealing with forced feminisation, making men to become sissies against their will or at least when the man follows reluctantly. The Sissy Station had a extensive part with a long term assignment for sissies to turn themselves into a woman. Although it was strictly forbidden for sissies to have a look into the future assignments I had a peek into that part and I was shocked. One part of me was eager to follow the instructions to become a real sissy but I doubted that would be brave enough to go that far, to endure the public humiliation, to show everyone what a pathetic sissy I am, that I like to dress up in women's clothes, and that I like to suck cocks. So I decided to obey the assignments as long as possible and keeping a diary of my own sissification. Although I already own a lot of clothes for women and have my ears pierced and my body neatly shaven I decided to start at the beginning of the assignments as if I would be a complete novice. Thursday, 9th November 2000 First Assignment What a remarkable day. The first day of my total sissyfication, it was the first step into an uncertain future. I wondered when I would cross the point of no return, what would my mates and my colleagues will say when I gradually would change myself into a sissy, a woman perhaps? It took about half an hour to step into the lingerie shop. Up to now I had bought my underwear by mail order but I understand that buying these clothes in a shop is an essential part of the sissification. Facing the shop girl, making her believe or better know that I want to wear the panties myself was the first step towards a never ending nightmare of public humiliation. The girl was in her mid twenties, blonde, and quite stylish made up. There was no other customer in the shop so I got her whole attention. I tried to appear casually but I think my state of nerves was hardly to hide. She asked what she could do for me and I answered that I was seeking for a pair of panties, brief-style, with a lace front panel, exactly as described in the sissy assignment. The girl asked for the size and when I told her my size I could see a knowing smile on her lips. She knew exactly what I wanted the panties for and put a number of little boxes on the desk, each had a picture at the front, showing a beautiful woman, wearing the panties. My little prick stiffened and I felt this sweet tingle in my tummy that told me that I was in utter excitement. After a moment of hesitation I picked the box with the panties I liked best. It was so humiliating when the girl described the fabrics and how comfortable they are to wear. She asked me if I wanted anything else but the assignment was clear, just one pair of panties! I paid for the panties with trembling hands and left the shop. I felt a slight relief but I knew I had to return and I was sure the girl would remember me. Being at home I put the new panties in the drawer with my men's underwear and as being described in the assignments I undressed before bedtime, took the underpants and threw them away. I was attempted to destroy all my underpants at once but I understand that the assignment was a kind of a ritual - with every day wearing panties my men's underwear would disappear step by step. Friday, 10th November 2000 First Assignment My first day in panties and when I would be able to follow the assignment to its final I never would wear anything else. The panties felt good on my skin and as they fit really perfect I tried to put my little manhood between my legs. Alas, I was too excited and my sissy erection produced an ugly bulge in my new panties. I wondered if I would be allowed to jerk off? The assignment didn't say anything about masturbating at that stage of my sissification. I massaged my prick for a while and enjoyed the sensation on my skin. Finally the erection decreased and I was able to hide my penis between my legs again. I put on my jeans and another sweet feeling engulfed me. Of course I had experienced the feeling of woman's panties under my jeans before but now it got a new dimension, the consciousness of the first step of my final sissification was almost overwhelming. Every movement remembered me that I was wearing panties and as being described in the assignments I looked at every wome! n and wondered what kind of panties she would wear. Would they be similar to my own panties, would they be nicer, or would I wear the more feminine ones? My prick was almost permanently in a semi-erected state and already for ages he had left his hide between my legs. Before bedtime I washed my new panties and took another pair of my old men's underpants to discard them. When I lied in my bed I played with my prick, unsure whether I was allowed to come. I couldn't hold it and came into a paper tissue, fearing the moment when I would have to swallow my own cum imagining it would be that of an other man. Saturday, 11th November 2000 First Assignment As this is weekend I did not have to hide my panties. In my flat I could walk around without wearing jeans or trousers to cover my underwear. I dressed in an unisex T-shirt and my panties and again I hid my prick between my legs until my front was smooth and flat like a real girl's. Every time when I passed my full mirror I looked at myself in utter excitement. At night-time the third pair of my underpants was send on its way into the garbage. Only in a couple of days I would have no men's underwear any more. I would own just panties, like a woman does, I would be forced to wear them at all times, even to the doctor, I am sure I will die of shame when I would have to undress in front of a nurse or the doctor, no matter if male of female. I would be discovered as a complete sissy, but that's what I am after all. And in less than a couple of months everyone could see what I am. Monday, 13th November 2000 First Assignment I am dying to step further in my feminisation but I am decided to follow the assignment and so the only I can do is to dress in my white panties before I was off to work in the morning. But on the other hand, the next step would be to return to the lingerie-shop and the young sales girl who definitely knew that I had bought the panties for myself. I would feel so humiliated, but that's what I wanted, after all. At work today I touched my crotch a couple of times to feel the delicate lace on my slightly hardened cock. The thought that I was wearing panties like all the other women in the office was so exciting and I wished I could look through their skirts and slacks. I only hope that I will be able to do my work properly in the future. I had to use the toilet twice this day. Both times another man was in the loo and I preferred to go into the stall. I wanted to avoid to stay next to a man at the urinal, revealing my white panties. I don't think that the panties would have been really visible to a man next to me, men don't stare to an other man holding his cock for peeing, real men are too much afraid of being suspected to be gay, but at that stage there was no reason to take to much risk. What's more, soon the urinal area would be out of bounds for me anyway. When I washed out my panties before bedtime and discarded another pair of my old underpants I realised that by Friday I would have only one pair left! Friday, 17th November 2000 Second Assignment I was so nervous when I went to work this morning. For a whole week I was wearing my panties now and my stock of men's underpants had dwindled away down to one pair. But what made really frighten was my today's sissy assignment which would send me back to the shop to buy a seven pairs collection of sheer pantyhose. Even if the young sales girl from the last week wouldn't be on duty the humiliation of being discovered as a panty wearing sissy was not to avoid and even that thought made my pathetic manhood tingle with excitement. But the worst imagination proved to become true. When I stepped into the lingerie shop I was greeted by the girl who had attended to me last week and to make matter worse, two giggling girls of about 15 were browsing through a stand with bras. The sneering smile on her lips showed me that the sales girl recognised me as the sissy who had bought white panties last week. With a loud voice she asked what she could for me so the girls couldn't fail to hear it. I wished I could leave the shop right now but what would it help? In a fraction of a second I had to decide if I really wanted to be feminised and sissified or not. Yes, I want to be a sissy and that was the reason why I was here. Silently I answered that I wanted several pairs of sheer pantyhose in different colours. I had hoped the giggling girls wouldn't have noticed me but in vain. From the corner of my eyes I could see that they were well aware of me. The nightmare had started and under the giggling of the girls I bought seven pairs of pantyhose in 10 denier, the most delicate fabric the sales girl could offer, and another pair of panties, this time in sissy pink. I heard my voice but it was as if someone else was speaking. I bought 2 black, 3 tan coloured, 2 grey, and 2 navy blue. The girl even offered a selection of patterned pantyhose but as my assignment was quite clear I declined! . It seemed to take hours till I finally could leave the shop carrying a bag showing clearly the label of a lingerie shop. The young girls in the shop giggled now loud and clearly and one of them called after me I should try one of the nice bras. What a shame! How could I ever go back to this shop? I had not a clue at the moment but I was sure, that I would return sooner or later. I was hardly able to drive but somehow I managed to get home. Meanwhile I couldn't wait any longer to discard my last pair of men's underpants and put on the first pantyhose. From now on there would be only panties and pantyhose for the rest of my life. What an arousing feeling on my legs. Yes, I want to be a sissy, I want to wear sissy pantyhose forever. I couldn't help, when I was lying in my bed my hands went down between my legs and I came into my cupped hand. For a couple of seconds I considered to lick it up but I couldn't do it, not yet! But I knew that in no time I was forced to swallow my own cum frequently and yet later, perhaps the cum of another man ... where will lead me all this? Sunday, 19th November 2000 Second Assignment My first weekend in tights. So far I had a lovely time, wearing pantyhose all every minute, feeling the delicate fabric caressing my legs, being in a permanent state of sexual excitement. However, I have to be very careful with my new clothes. As the assignment didn't allow more than 10 denier I am afraid it won't take long till I will find the first run and that means that I have to buy more and go back to the shop. Well, the assignment didn't say where I have to buy the replacements, but that's the strange thing with sissies like me, even if we have just suffered the most extreme humiliation and escaped with great difficulties - less than a second later we already long for more. I have just washed my second pair of panties and the pantyhose I have worn the last 24 hours. It is a quite remarkable change in my bathroom as there will be hanging sissy girl's underwear on the clothesline from now on at all times. I am looking forward to tomorrow as this will be my first time in pantyhose at work. In a certain way I feel that I will become it little bit more like the other women at work. Very soon we will be dressed alike - underneath at first, completely ... later. Monday, 20th November 2000 Second Assignment It was an arousing feeling to walk around at work, feeling the slight pressure of my pantyhose. I didn't need to remember the assignment that I shall look at the legs of every woman I meet, that's something I did almost naturally. The worst, however, was, that my little prick got almost crazy when I saw a woman wearing the same colour. I felt so sissy all the day and I couldn't help but I had to give myself some relief when I got home. When I had to go to the toilet the first time today I had to realise, that by no means I could use the urinal. So that's that - the stall would be mine from now on. It didn't matter if I'll have time enough or not, I'd have to wait for a free stall, to pull down my trousers, my panties, my pantyhose, and sit down like any girl would have to do. I hope no one will notice, at least not so soon. Wednesday, 22nd November 2000 Second Assignment What I had feared most happened today. I found the first run in my pantyhose. It was one of my favoured tan coloured and exactly the same one as the female colleague was wearing who's sitting next to me. She of course was able to show off her beautiful legs and her lovely pantyhose. I discovered the run when I visited the toilet at lunch time and I wished I could ask my colleague for some nail varnish to stop the run. Alas, I had to wear the pantyhose till I would be able to get a replacement. Replacement! That was the word, so simple and so humiliating for me. To get a replacement meant that I'd have to go to a store to buy another pair of pantyhose. As soon as I had finished my work in the afternoon I went to the lingerie store where I had bought all my sissy clothes so far. I know that the assignment didn't say that I have to buy my new pantyhose there, but it was that strong longing for another public humiliation. This time the shop was quite busy and the young sales assistant who knows perfect what a pathetic sissy I am wasn't there. Instead of this a woman in her mid fifties served the customers and so I left the shop hardly being noticed with new pair of pantyhose. Actually I should have been glad getting away so easily but strangely enough I was almost disappointed and I silently hoped the young girl would be there next time. I knew it wouldn't take long till I'd have to return as the fabric of my hosiery is so delicate that one can tear it just with a rough finger or toe nail. Saturday, 25th November 2000 Second Assignment I am in pantyhose and panties for more than a week and so far I like my new clothes. Unfortunately I messes another pair of pantyhose yesterday and another one this morning. I went to the lingerie shop yet this morning and my heart beat heavily when I saw the young shop girl. She must have seen me yet before I was in the shop as her sneer hit me when I opened the door. My hands trembled when I paid for my pantyhose and if she wouldn't have known about the fact that I was wearing the pantyhose myself, she would be sure now. I wondered what she was thinking about a sissy like me. Did she despise me? Or would I be just an object of ridicule? Could she be dominant and force me to be and live as a sissy? On my way home I dreamt she'd send me in the changing cubicle to pull on the clothes I had bought immediately and model them for her or other customers. I fantasised about being dominated by her and she'd pick out extremely feminine things to wear at all times and in public. Monday, 27th November 2000 Second Assignment The fantasy didn't let me go for the whole weekend and more than once I couldn't resist to give myself a relief. I know that will be over very soon and I don't know what I will do when the assignment will inflict complete chastity on me. The sissy station has a new guest book and I couldn't help myself to sign it. Unfortunately I came only second. Thursday, 30th November 2000 Second Assignment I was very careful with my pantyhose the whole week and so far I didn't damage another pair. But today at work finally it happened. When I left my work I felt that strange tingle in my groin that I always felt when I had to suffer another humiliation. Unfortunately - how can I say that? Shouldn't I feel lucky? Unfortunately the young sales girl wasn't there but another unknown Lady was in the shop so I came away with almost no humiliation - I was utterly disappointed. I am looking forward to my next extended shopping trip and I am decided to make it when the young girl is in the shop. Tomorrow will be the last day of my second assignment and I must say, that wearing pantyhose and panties is becoming second nature to me. Saturday, 2nd December 2000 Third Assignment This is the first day of my new assignment. It starts with four questions: Are you used to wearing pantyhose? Yes, I am! Don't they feel great on your legs? Yes, they do! Do you get a new thrill looking at women's legs? Yes, I do! Do you wonder about being discovered? Yes, I do! - I fear this moment and I long for it. The assignment says that I have not a penis anymore from now on but a boyclit. It's not big anyway but as I am not allowed to regard myself as a man anymore I can't have a cock. From now on I must sit down when being in the toilet but to be honest I am already doing that since I am wearing pantyhose 24/7 and so it's nothing really new for me. This morning I bought the women's magazines as described in the assignment. It was quite busy in the shop so I could buy them without being really noticed. Since they are German magazines they will not be well known but one is for teenage girl's and called "GIRL!". The next one is called "Echo of the Woman", the third "LISA", and the last one is named "Vivian". I only picked out magazines with names that made quite clear it's made for women. This afternoon I started reading my new magazines thoroughly. I wish I would look like the women in the magazines. They have such beautiful hair and pretty faces. I picked out the hairstyles and outfits I liked best and started massaging my boyclit. It was very hard not to cum, in particular when it was as hard as a rock and when I finally put my boyclit back into my sissy panties I felt quite frustrated. I can't imagine to keep on masturbating without being allowed to cum for a couple of days. Sunday, 3rd December 2000 Third Assignment Another frustrating day masturbating while watching the pretty clothes and hairstyles in my magazines. I really had to try hard to be a good sissy. Tomorrow I will send the subscription for the magazine named "Lisa". By the end of the next week I will get the first issue delivered to my door with my name on it and with that another person will know that I am a sissy. This might seem as being a short assignment but it will mark me forever as will do all the other assignments. Tomorrow I may switch to the fourth assignment which will turn me into a pathetic cocksucking sissy girly-boy. I considered to buy the dildo with mail order but as this takes a couple of days I decided to go into a sex-shop so I can start my first cocksucking lesson already tomorrow. I don't want to waste any time for I long to go to another extended shopping trip which will be much more humiliating than any other before. Monday, 4th December 2000 Fourth Assignment Last night was awful because I had to pull myself together not to cum in my panties. I had my boyclit tightly jammed between my legs so my crotch was flat like a real girls but I couldn't refrain from stroking my crotch with my fingers. I felt my boyclit puckering in my sissy panties. Luckily I fell asleep. This morning a dressed in a new pantyhose and my fresh panties and went to work. I hardly could concentrate on my work and when I finished my work I hurried to come into the sex-shop to buy the dildo. I longed for putting it into my mouth, and already in advance I could feel my lips gliding over the false cock. I wish it would throb like a real man's cock and in my mind I felt the salty cum splashing into my throat and all over my sissy face. I didn't care what the man in the shop would think when I bought the thick artificial penis. It looks and feels so real, it is about 8 inches long and almost two inch thick at its base. It has two movable testicles which feel so tender and full of cum that one hardly dares to press. Several times my hand glided into the black carrier bag when I drove home to touch the dildo and feel the small veins which pretended the cock being full of hot blood. Seductively my tongue touched my lips and again I felt my boyclit throbbing in my panties. At home I immediately undressed, lied onto my bed, and started making my first steps in becoming a devoted sissy cocksucker. In no time my boyclit sprung attention and I had great difficulties to keep myself away from cumming. The seemed to be huge in my sissy mouth but finally I had it deep in my throat. I choked for a little while but in no time I got used to the feeling being gagged by my new friend. My sissy tongue played with the penis and I imagined to make a real man happy. Then I pulled it out of my mouth. It was shiny wet with my saliva but now I would make it even more wet. With one finger I took of my pre-cum from my boyclit and smeared it over the cock. What a taste! I couldn't believe what I was doing. Now I was really a sissy! A pathetic cum eating, cocksucking sissy! That night I fell asleep with the cock in my mouth. Tuesday, 5th December 2000 Fourth Assignment Today I had another run in my pantyhose so I had to return to the lingerie shop. The young Girl was there, She smiled when She spotted me. I am sure She knows exactly what I am wearing underneath. When I asked for another pantyhose She offered a pack with ten tights which was on sale. I declined as the assignment is clearly saying I must not buy packages. I would have to return to the shop whenever I would have a run in my pantyhose. However, I was quite embarrassed when being offered a pantyhose bargain, after all, I was still clad like a man - at least outwardly. What a sissy I am. I felt so humiliated but when I left the shop I felt that arousing tingle in my groin and I couldn't await to come home sucking my cock. Wednesday, 6th December 2000 Fourth Assignment Today I was allowed to cum! When I came home from work I undressed, got a small glass, knelt onto my bed and started my cocksucking. As always my boyclit got as hard as a rock as soon as I saw the cock. Unfortunately it took no more than 2 minutes until I came. I really must learn to keep myself in check for the assigned 15 minutes. I put smeared some of the cum on the dildo. Before I started licking I smelled the cock to make the imagination of reality perfect. It was overwhelming and I wished the cock would be throbbing and pulsating between a real man's legs. My cum was enough to cover the cock three times - it was delicious! After half an hour the glass was finally empty and to make sure that I didn't waste even a single drop of my cum I licked the glass clean with my sissy tongue. It is such a pity that I have to wait for another three days till I will be allowed to swallow my cum again. Saturday, 9th December 2000 Fourth Assignment Last two days were uneventful. I practised cocksucking and I feel becoming addicted to it and my longing to have a real man's cock between my lips is growing. Today I managed to suck the cock for almost ten minutes before I couldn't hold the juice that comes from my clitty any more. I found it tasting even better this time and I wonder if the cum of a real man tastes the same or different. By the way, meanwhile I am used to go to bed with my cock and lick myself asleep. Sunday, 10th December 2000 Fourth Assignment This afternoon an accident happened while practising cocksucking. I wasn't able to hold my cum and spurted into my cupped hand. As self punishment I didn't put it onto my dildo but licked it straight from my hand. Additionally I will wait for another three days moving to my next assignment which won't be before next Thursday. Monday, 11th December 2000 Fourth Assignment What a sissy cocksucker I am! All day at work I couldn't wait to get home to my dildo. At least I managed to keep my sissy juice in check. Before bedtime I washed my pantyhose and panties but I couldn't concentrate on my work as I was so eager to go to bed and sleep with my rubber cock. Tuesday, 12th December 2000 Fourth Assignment What a terrible day. The first thing happened in the morning was another run in my pantyhose. As always I felt that exciting tingle in my boy-clit that overwhelms me when it becomes clear that I have to endure another humiliation in my lingerie store. When I stepped in the shop this afternoon the girl was sneering towards me but she didn't say anything when I paid for my pantyhose. I feel it won't take much longer till she's speaks to me about the many pantyhose I am buying. I am sure at the latest she will do so when an assignment sends me back to buy more girlish underwear. Later in the afternoon I had another accident while I did my cocksucking practice. I am so sorry but wearing pantyhose and panties all the time make me being almost permanently excited and it is so hard to pull myself together. Unfortunately I will have to wait till Friday now until I may continue with my next assignment. I am looking so much forward to be allowed to wear lipstick and pamper my sweet dildo with my painted sissy lips. Thursday, 14th December 2000 Fourth Assignment Luckily I came so far without another accident while sucking my dildo. However, instead of this there was an incident at work which might become a problem. When I came back from lunchtime I became aware that the zipper of my trouser was opened. The gap was wide enough to reveal my pink panties under the sheer tan coloured pantyhose. I don't know if anyone has seen what I am wearing underneath. So far I didn't notice any reactions but it is sure that I had met dozen of people when my sissy underwear was in full view. It's so strange that I feel aroused by the thought of being discovered and exposed as a sissy. I know it will happen sooner or later and the shame will become unbearable but the thought makes my sissy boy-clit stiffen. Friday, 15th December 2000 Fourth Assignment I am so glad that I could manage to get over the last two days without cumming. When I came home from work I was so excited that my sissy clit was full of pre-cum. Of course I undressed immediately and covered the rubber cock with the salty liquid from my boy-clit. I knelt on my bed and started to lick the dildo. Again and again my tongue encircled the cock. What an overwhelming taste. Like being mad I licked faster and faster and from time to time I shoved my lips over the huge gland just to let it go a second later to increase the speed of my licking tongue. Cautiously my other hand massaged my boy-clit, always prepared to catch every single drop of my sissy cum. Then I took the dildo in my mouth and pushed it deeper and deeper until it touched my throat. Meanwhile I am used to it and I like the feeling of being gagged by a thick rubber cock. My lips pampered the full veins and my teeth dug deep into the strong rubber. Oh, I wish it would be real meat and I could feel the strong odour of a man filling my nose. I really managed to suck the cock for fifteen minutes before I spurted in my cupped hand. My whole body shuddered with excitement and I couldn't wait to cover the rubber dildo with my warm sissy juice. I didn't waste even a single drop and when I had finished with the cock I licked my palm until I sadly became aware of the fact that I had swallowed my whole load of sissy juice. Yes, the assignment is absolutely right - I am a sissy cocksucker who likes being utterly humiliated. No real man would do what I did and will do in the next months. But I am not a man - I am a sissy girly boy on the way to become a completely feminised sissy with all vestiges of my manhood removed. I am so proud to be allowed to start my fifth assignment tomorrow and I am looking forward tasting lipstick on my sissy lips as well as my lovely rubber cock. I know the assignment doesn't say anything about an email but I hope the Station Mistress will understand the I must tell Her about my progress.

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